keep the change you filthy animal

SO MUCH LOVE FOR THIS!

I can't wait to see these lovely lads again soon (they are headlining the US this winter)! 

I mean, come ON! Could they be more adorable, talented and just all around get guys. Again, so much love. The Maccabees have to be one of the nicest bands I have had the pleasure to start to get to know. 

social media whore

You should follow me (or lurk, whatever you fancy most) on one of my various social media outlets. It's tons of fun (when I do update). And since I have the ENTIRE weekend off, expect A LOT of updates and random posts. Especially on here. 

instagram

facebook page

tumblr

Peace for now, back to nonstop cleaning and organizing my life. 

we tell ourselves stories in order to live

Recently, I just finished the David Foster Wallace biography 'Every Love Story Is a Ghost Story', and let me tell you, I couldn't put it down. It's written beautifully and stays with you well after you have finished reading it. I was slightly alarmed how much identified with a lot of DFW's problems. I highly recommend it if you are a fan of David Foster Wallace or even if you haven't read his work before, it's still a brilliant read on the human psyche. 

Now, I am re-reading 'Play It As It Lays' by Joan Didion. I forgot how AMAZING this book is and I am falling in love Didion all over again. 

So between DFW and Joan Didion, I am have a lot of re-reading and general reading to do. Thanks to having no life outside of work, work and more work. My spare time has been spent reading. 

The more I've been reading as a form of relaxation, the more I've been contemplating going back to LA to relax. I know staying at the Chateau Marmont is incredibly pretentious and/or shows signs that you are having a nervous breakdown or coming out of rehab but every since I spent an evening there with my mates for my birthday last year, the more I've been wanting to go back and proper stay there for a few days after the holidays, maybe do some writing, get inspired again...goodness, just escape for a little bit. Escape people, my racing mind, etc. 

Come summer 2013, I still want to do my epic road trip down the west coast and write and photograph my little heart out. 

A dreamer can dream can't she? 

keep it grunge

Went to a friend's art showing recently, despite being sick, I was able to somehow not look deathly ill going out. 

beanie - H&M

sweater dress - H&M

tights - Target

boots - Aldo 

locket necklace - urban outfitters

into darkness

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's all. 

contravene loyal ties

ph. Erez Avissar

Definitely feeling this new Crystal Castles album. 

And this video for 'the plague' is probably a GREAT representation of what the inside of my mind looks like or at least how I feel a lot of the times. Sometimes you just have to fucking lose it. Scream it out. The more you try to hold it together, hold it all in, put a band-aide over your problems and call it good, you are eventually going to break. No one can keep it together all the time and I've been learning this the hard way. I've been learning that sometimes you DO have to reach out to people, they may not reach back the way you want them to or tell you things you want to hear or in the way you want to hear it but also you can't do it all alone. Yet there has to be this balance, you can't solely depend on other people for this comfort, peace of mind, validation, whatever it may be you are looking for, you also have to do it for yourself and realize for yourself that things can get better and sometimes it's okay to cry and explode. We are only human after all, even though we'd like to think otherwise. 

I love how this lyrics is continually repeated. 

"I am the plague"

Everyone does it to themselves at some point. Blame it all on themselves. They are the plague, they are the reason all of this is happening, if they weren't in the equation things would be better for everyone. 

don't call this a comeback (no, really don't)

I've been neglecting this blog for too long. My life went from kind of weird, kind of crazy to insanity in just a matter of a couple months. I don't even think insane can even begin to describe my life at the moment or since I've last posted on here. I feel like a complete different person. As if I weren't neurotic enough before, I am Woody Allen on crack. Yes, Woody Allen on crack, which makes me a fucking annoying person to be around. Let's see I've become cafe manager at B&N and that's been interesting and since that wasn't enough, let's throw the fact I thought it would be a good idea to get a second job at Sephora clocking me in anywhere from 45 hours a week to 60. And somehow fitting in shooting? Shooting stuff that I haven't posted...going through and editing photos from back in AUGUST. 

What is sleep and what is a weekend? And when I finally had 3 days off IN A ROW from BOTH jobs, that was shot to shit and I did fuck all, to which I am now paying for severely. Scrambling to catch up on things during times I should try to catch an hour or two of sleep so I don't lose what's left of my mind. I mean, I really shouldn't complain though, right? I am employed, I have a roof over my head, I am living comfortably, I am just being another ungrateful American. But hell if I am not tired and can't wait to return to somewhat of a normal state of mind after the holidays. At least everything won't seem SO intense and SO dramatic. I go from one end of the emotional spectrum to the next in 10 seconds, no, 5 seconds or less. Basically, I am what some people may call an emotional wreck, a ticking time bomb. I've done a good job at neglecting my family members, my friends or at least the two that I had and/or generally just pissing off everyone because you never know what mood I am going to be in that day. Feels SO different from summer where everything was so chill, even fall was rather chill...I am hoping that it's just the holidays and the workload I've taken on and things will make some sort of sense soon. I would like to unpack my room just to pack back up in May again. I would like to have a social life. I would like to sleep and not be so erratic. Maybe actually email my friends back in a sensibly amount of time and not 2 months later. There is always that catch 22. If you email too long after the fact you're an asshole, if you don't email at all you're an even bigger asshole. Anyways, this is my major rant post. I haven't done one of these for a while. I hope to do more of them, typos, grammatical errors and ALL! 

Hopefully, on my downtime that I should be using to sleep, I shall get my photos organized to post here. And get back to a semi-regular posting schedule. I have missed posting on here and wonder if anyone still checks to see if there is an update. 

Until next time, dig on this song I can't stop listening to at the moment by Cat Power. I mean I could kick myself for getting into her new album so late and missing her and my mates X-Ray Eyeballs play in Chicago.

"I feel tired
Awake all night
Head so heavy like a wastebasket
I feel choke emotionally broke
In the gutter and I'm still lookin down
I feel alone I want out I want on my own
I want everything I own I find letters pictures
Memories of what you can't seem to let go" 

looking through a broken diamond, to make the past what it should be

This song is everything at the moment for me. 

I think I am going to start posting random songs that represent my life at the moment. Kind of like my life in mobile pcitures but my life in songs. 

all the leaves are brown

It's very important to know that fall is my favorite season and halloween is my favorite holiday. Our house is about to turn into Halloween town very soon and it's only the first week of October. 

With the cooler weather, I've been spending more time outside. Reading on my patio with cider, exploring, adventuring, trying to find things to film. Yes film, not photograph. 

Incase you can't tell, I really romanticize this time of year. And I don't care how cliche it is. I like to layer, wear cosby sweaters, snuggle in bed on a cold day, all that shit. I eat it up, okay? I EAT. IT. UP!

Today I have a proper day off. It's been insanely productive. It's not even one in the afternoon and I've already did more than most people do in a day. 

Expect a few more blog posts by the end of the day. 

Until then, I shall be locked away trying to revamp or at least update my website. 

I still have photos from over the summer to go through and some fun Dum Dum Girls and Delta Spirit photos to share. 

Maybe a mix might be thrown on here soon. Speaking of music, what is everyone listening to these days. I am in dire need of new(ish) music to listen. So everyone list the top 5 things they are listening to OR new artists you think I should check out! 

Until next time.

xoxo

gossip girl (just kidding, or am I...)