July 24, 2010

dicks, semen and human centipedes

photos by me, obviously

Here are parts of the interview I did with Turbo Fruits that didn't appear on Popwreckoning.

Very interesting, I think...
Maybe I shouldn't be interviewing bands. There goes my dream of being a VJ on MTV. Wait, do those even exist anymore? I think Sway is still hanging on in there...

Has anyone tired to have you guys sign their boob or ass?

Matt: Well I sign Jona’s dick.

Really? And how is that for you?

Matt: Well it’s a pretty regular deal.

So everyday he just whips it out and goes “here’s my dick, sign it?”

Jonas: Yeah, we have a metallic sharpie…

Matt: We have a silver pen for Echo Kid, we don’t get a lot of people wanting albums signed, but I sign a lot of Jonas’s dick.

Silver sharpie, eh? How elegant.

Dave: Yeah, and you hold the pen with your teeth

When you were kids, what did you want to be?

(okay, shut up, I know this isn't risque...)

Jonas: Superman

Dave: A motherfucking hustler

Matt: I don’t know, a fireman or a doctor

Watching too much ER back then, weren't you?

I take that you guys aren’t easily grossed out so I am going to ask this question… Have you heard of the disease lymphatic filariasis?

Jonas: No

Dave: Yes, of course, who hasn’t heard of it?

Then what is it?

Dave: It’s when Matt opens his mouth and throws up semen.

Well, I guess it’s kind of close to that. It's where parasitic worms burrow into you lymph nodes and can make your balls swell to the size of watermelons, forcing you to basically tote them around in a wheelbarrow.

Matt: I just want to say for the record, if I ever cough up semen, it would be Dave’s dad semen.

If you were reincarnated as some other plant or animal, what would it be and why?

Jonas: I would say a hyena because they are fucking scavengers, man. We are all scavengers.

Dave: I would be a motherfuckin' bald eagle. I would scratch fucking French people’s faces off. Grab their fucking baguette and disembowel them.

Kingsley: I would probably be a sloth. Stoned and slow.


Jonas: Matt would be a gerbil so he could go up dudes asses.

Matt: I would be a gerbil so I could go up Dave dad’s asshole.

Who would you go gay for?

Matt: Dave’s dad

Jonas: Harrison Ford


Jonas: It’s Harrison fucking Ford, Han Solo, man.

Kingsley: Dave’s dad

Dave’s dad is a hot topic.

Dave: He’s a badass

Matt: If I could, I would spend 8 of the 12 months touring and spend the other 4 with Dave’s dad...

Dave: I would graph Matt’s face to my asshole and start the human centipede with him.

What’s your guiltiest pleasure?

Jonas: I would say watching King give Dave a blowjob. Like we love it in the moment

, then the next morning we are like “why?” Why did we just watch King give Dave a blowjob? Why did we enjoy it so much?

Matt: I guess my guiltiest pleasure would be getting head from Dave. He uses his teeth sometimes, but if you just stroke his head, he relaxes just a bit.

Words of wisdom? Something for the kids.

Dave: Life’s a bitch and then you die.

Jonas: Go to the Replay Lounge in Lawrence, KS

Kingsley: Smoke weed everyday

Okay, so does anyone have torrent link for The Human Centipede? It's definitely not available on Netflix.

Alright, NOW I am officially on a little hiatus. And for the three people that comment on this blog, I will still be reading your comments and sometimes replying back.


Felicia said...

wow! I did not know what disease lymphatic filariasis was...the more you know eh haha

Han Solo said...

everyone wants to be me cause i'm HAN mothereffin SOLO.

Anonymous said...

This is the funniest interview I've ever read in my life, you seriously know how to break the motherfudgecakeing ice!
I've never seen this Human Centipede but it is on video on demand and it looks disturbing as bawlls.

I can't wait til your next intervieeew!! oh and I really wanna meet Dave's dad. Can you make this happen, Patrice?? :P

Anonymous said...

hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha oh geez. <3 it!!!


MarĂ­a said...

lol the interview and the title!!

jamie x m said...

sway. haha.

discothequechic said...

i don't even know dave's dad but this is hilarious.

dave's dad said...

dave is just like his mom, she uses her teeth too.

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