December 4, 2012

don't call this a comeback (no, really don't)

I've been neglecting this blog for too long. My life went from kind of weird, kind of crazy to insanity in just a matter of a couple months. I don't even think insane can even begin to describe my life at the moment or since I've last posted on here. I feel like a complete different person. As if I weren't neurotic enough before, I am Woody Allen on crack. Yes, Woody Allen on crack, which makes me a fucking annoying person to be around. Let's see I've become cafe manager at B&N and that's been interesting and since that wasn't enough, let's throw the fact I thought it would be a good idea to get a second job at Sephora clocking me in anywhere from 45 hours a week to 60. And somehow fitting in shooting? Shooting stuff that I haven't posted...going through and editing photos from back in AUGUST. 

What is sleep and what is a weekend? And when I finally had 3 days off IN A ROW from BOTH jobs, that was shot to shit and I did fuck all, to which I am now paying for severely. Scrambling to catch up on things during times I should try to catch an hour or two of sleep so I don't lose what's left of my mind. I mean, I really shouldn't complain though, right? I am employed, I have a roof over my head, I am living comfortably, I am just being another ungrateful American. But hell if I am not tired and can't wait to return to somewhat of a normal state of mind after the holidays. At least everything won't seem SO intense and SO dramatic. I go from one end of the emotional spectrum to the next in 10 seconds, no, 5 seconds or less. Basically, I am what some people may call an emotional wreck, a ticking time bomb. I've done a good job at neglecting my family members, my friends or at least the two that I had and/or generally just pissing off everyone because you never know what mood I am going to be in that day. Feels SO different from summer where everything was so chill, even fall was rather chill...I am hoping that it's just the holidays and the workload I've taken on and things will make some sort of sense soon. I would like to unpack my room just to pack back up in May again. I would like to have a social life. I would like to sleep and not be so erratic. Maybe actually email my friends back in a sensibly amount of time and not 2 months later. There is always that catch 22. If you email too long after the fact you're an asshole, if you don't email at all you're an even bigger asshole. Anyways, this is my major rant post. I haven't done one of these for a while. I hope to do more of them, typos, grammatical errors and ALL! 

Hopefully, on my downtime that I should be using to sleep, I shall get my photos organized to post here. And get back to a semi-regular posting schedule. I have missed posting on here and wonder if anyone still checks to see if there is an update. 

Until next time, dig on this song I can't stop listening to at the moment by Cat Power. I mean I could kick myself for getting into her new album so late and missing her and my mates X-Ray Eyeballs play in Chicago.

"I feel tired
Awake all night
Head so heavy like a wastebasket
I feel choke emotionally broke
In the gutter and I'm still lookin down
I feel alone I want out I want on my own
I want everything I own I find letters pictures
Memories of what you can't seem to let go" 

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