Definitely feeling this new Crystal Castles album.
And this video for 'the plague' is probably a GREAT representation of what the inside of my mind looks like or at least how I feel a lot of the times. Sometimes you just have to fucking lose it. Scream it out. The more you try to hold it together, hold it all in, put a band-aide over your problems and call it good, you are eventually going to break. No one can keep it together all the time and I've been learning this the hard way. I've been learning that sometimes you DO have to reach out to people, they may not reach back the way you want them to or tell you things you want to hear or in the way you want to hear it but also you can't do it all alone. Yet there has to be this balance, you can't solely depend on other people for this comfort, peace of mind, validation, whatever it may be you are looking for, you also have to do it for yourself and realize for yourself that things can get better and sometimes it's okay to cry and explode. We are only human after all, even though we'd like to think otherwise. I love how this lyrics is continually repeated.
"I am the plague"
Everyone does it to themselves at some point. Blame it all on themselves. They are the plague, they are the reason all of this is happening, if they weren't in the equation things would be better for everyone.
I've been neglecting this blog for too long. My life went from kind of weird, kind of crazy to insanity in just a matter of a couple months. I don't even think insane can even begin to describe my life at the moment or since I've last posted on here. I feel like a complete different person. As if I weren't neurotic enough before, I am Woody Allen on crack. Yes, Woody Allen on crack, which makes me a fucking annoying person to be around. Let's see I've become cafe manager at B&N and that's been interesting and since that wasn't enough, let's throw the fact I thought it would be a good idea to get a second job at Sephora clocking me in anywhere from 45 hours a week to 60. And somehow fitting in shooting? Shooting stuff that I haven't posted...going through and editing photos from back in AUGUST.
What is sleep and what is a weekend? And when I finally had 3 days off IN A ROW from BOTH jobs, that was shot to shit and I did fuck all, to which I am now paying for severely. Scrambling to catch up on things during times I should try to catch an hour or two of sleep so I don't lose what's left of my mind. I mean, I really shouldn't complain though, right? I am employed, I have a roof over my head, I am living comfortably, I am just being another ungrateful American. But hell if I am not tired and can't wait to return to somewhat of a normal state of mind after the holidays. At least everything won't seem SO intense and SO dramatic. I go from one end of the emotional spectrum to the next in 10 seconds, no, 5 seconds or less. Basically, I am what some people may call an emotional wreck, a ticking time bomb. I've done a good job at neglecting my family members, my friends or at least the two that I had and/or generally just pissing off everyone because you never know what mood I am going to be in that day. Feels SO different from summer where everything was so chill, even fall was rather chill...I am hoping that it's just the holidays and the workload I've taken on and things will make some sort of sense soon. I would like to unpack my room just to pack back up in May again. I would like to have a social life. I would like to sleep and not be so erratic. Maybe actually email my friends back in a sensibly amount of time and not 2 months later. There is always that catch 22. If you email too long after the fact you're an asshole, if you don't email at all you're an even bigger asshole. Anyways, this is my major rant post. I haven't done one of these for a while. I hope to do more of them, typos, grammatical errors and ALL!
Hopefully, on my downtime that I should be using to sleep, I shall get my photos organized to post here. And get back to a semi-regular posting schedule. I have missed posting on here and wonder if anyone still checks to see if there is an update.
Until next time, dig on this song I can't stop listening to at the moment by Cat Power. I mean I could kick myself for getting into her new album so late and missing her and my mates X-Ray Eyeballs play in Chicago.
"I feel tired Awake all night Head so heavy like a wastebasket I feel choke emotionally broke In the gutter and I'm still lookin down I feel alone I want out I want on my own I want everything I own I find letters pictures Memories of what you can't seem to let go"
Alright, not gonna lie, I kind of really like this song. I know I shouldn't but I do. Taylor Momsen's voice is better than what I thought it would be...
"Make Me Wanna Die" - The Pretty Reckless
I am not a huge fan of Taylor Momsen, I think she is quite annoying.
For being 16/17 she should probably tone down her outfits and take that black shit off her eyes. In addition to lack of taste when it comes to clothing and make-up, her attitude fucking sucks, but I suppose it's pretty appropriate for her age. Everyone went through their angsty, "fuck you", "I don't care" and/or "this world just doesn't understand me" phase in their teens.
Although, mines was more like the Angela Chase angst rather than the mix of Cherie Currie and Courtney Love she is trying to channel so desperately...
